Sub Tweeting Swag

June 17, 2014 By 1 Comment

Years ago, perhaps 5, my friend Lanie began tweeting a certain thing when she had something to say that she could not say. Rather than opt for the vague tweet “You know, people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” or whatever, she’d lay this thing down: 

Type, type, type. Delete, delete, delete.

My god, I thought, this woman is a genius. Around that time I was going through several major life changes (divorce, dating, job changes) and had PLENTY to tweet about that I absolutely should not tweet about. I, too, began laying this thing down:

Type, type, type. Delete, delete, delete.

 And I really did do this. I used the message any time I started to type, then back up, then retype, then back up. It was cathartic. It was silly. It was intriguing…someone always asked what it was about. 

Eventually, life got busy. In extreme situations, whether I was strung out with a hectic time or a frustrating situation, I transitioned to:

TTT, DDD

And so it went.

About a year ago, maybe, my friend Mark tweeted at us TTT,DDDers that we could also call write it like: 

(T+D)*3

Leave it to the trained architect to math it up for all us twitter nerds. Later in the conversation someone (him? Lanie? Someone else?) mentioned it might make a great t-shirt. 

And now it *is* a t-shirt! There’s this dark grey one with white letters and a green one whose white letters mysteriously became Twitter Blue after a day or so. A sign? Certainly.

They are $20 each and range in size from XS to XXL. For $5 I will put it in a padded envelope or little box and ship it anywhere in the U.S. I have a strong suspicion that this will be our only run of these as my very short attention span is already cooking up a completely different t-shirt design.

Please buy my shirt. I’ve got four hungry children** and a crop in the field.

Here’s where you buy the shirt!!

 

 

 

**I have two children who are well-fed and two house plants who have survived 15 months in my care. 

Filed Under: People, Uncategorized Tagged With: , ,

I love the Internets

June 14, 2014 By Leave a Comment

There’s a lot of stuff I share on the Internet every day. Here’s a round up of the things I most enjoyed last week by category.

Inspiration

  • Science says lasting relationships come down to—you guessed it—kindness and generosity. This article from The Atlantic talks about the work of  John Gottman, a research psychologist who has spent 4 decades studying couples. He found they fall into two categories: Masters and Disasters. The masters exhibit kindness and generosity like BOSSES. “Kindness (…) glues couples together. Research independent from theirs has shown that kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated—feel loved. (…) there’s a great deal of evidence showing the more someone receives or witnesses kindness, the more they will be kind themselves, which leads to upward spirals of love and generosity in a relationship. There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think about it as a fixed trait: either you have it or you don’t. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle. In some people, that muscle is naturally stronger than in others, but it can grow stronger in everyone with exercise. Masters tend to think about kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it to keep it in shape.” 
  • Jim Carey gets it. Then he gives it away. “All that will ever be is happening right here and the decisions that we make in this moment which are either based in love or fear. So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality.”
  • Why we humble brag about being busy. “This bubble is being enabled by an unholy alliance between three powerful trends: smart phones, social media, and extreme consumerism. The result is not just information overload, but opinion overload. We are more aware than at any time in history of what everyone else is doing and, therefore, what we “should” be doing. In the process, we have been sold a bill of goods: that success means being supermen and superwomen who can get it all done. Of course, we back-door-brag about being busy: it’s code for being successful and important.” This is worth your time to read. I sure hope we all wake up to Exhaustion as a Status Symbol, which is what Brene Brown calls this. The Avett Brothers calls it “ill with want.” I call it normal far too often.
  • Why narcissism is a profoundly misunderstood psychological disorder. I survived a romantic relationship with narcissist several years ago, not that I didn’t bring plenty of baggage to the situation. Identifying his narcissistic personality disorder helped me get things in perspective. Since then I’ve read more about NPD and other psychological pathologies. It is all fascinating. This particular article dives into the connection between narcissism and fear, points out hormonal responses and makes a connection between NPD and psychopathy.

Nifty

Music

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Cataloged thoughts on Thought Catalog

June 11, 2014 By 1 Comment

Hello, Reader of Really Most Sincerely! I didn’t write this article below. I just made a bunch of comments on it. I figured it would make for easier reading to paste it all in and link back to the original. Enjoy! 

6 Reasons it’s hard to date a single mom 

I’ve heard a lot of guys talk about dating single moms. It’s becoming all the more common in today’s world. And being one it has caught my attention. So here’s 6 reasons it’s hard to date a single mom.

1. You fall in love with her kids.

I hear this over and over again. The problem is when/if you break up you still love those kids, but have no ties to them. I’ve seen relationships from 3 to 8 years where the guys will never see the kids again. And it’s not fair to the man or the kids. It’s a risk.

Sheri: I’ve made the mistake of letting past boyfriends around my kids too soon, so I don’t have a ton to disagree with on this. I lived and learned. But I can tell you that I do have an ex whose kids I still see on the regular. I’m pretty grateful I get to maintain that relationship and so are those kids.  

2. You will never be number one.

Ever. Her kids will come first every single time. Or they should. And if they don’t? You don’t have a good woman.

Sheri: And if she had no kids, then you would be her number one? How about you get a deeper sense of self? 

3. She’s busy. Really busy.

Most single mom’s have 2 full-time jobs. When they aren’t working they are out at soccer games, dance classes, or parent-teacher conferences, and let’s not start with the mom’s who are still in school themselves. Finding time to fit in a relationship can be really difficult.

Sheri: Yes she is. Because she has a rich life. You should look into that, potential suitor. What’s infuriating, though, is that this article appears to be written by a woman. If this is the kind of guy who she’s dating (a guy who is easily upset that she has a limited schedule) it is time to tighten the filters. Trust me…when a man meets a woman he really wants to date, he will date her without whining about her schedule. He will simply plan ahead, communicate and hold up his end of the relationship.

4. In good situations there’s a baby daddy.

This one is hard to admit, but it’s true. As long as the father is still a part of the child’s life you will have to deal with him. And it’s not always a bad thing, in fact it shouldn’t be, but it’s a factor when men are thinking about dating a woman with a child.

Sheri: Oh…the woman you’re dating has a past? Pro-tip: they all do, not just the ones with children. 

5. Hello to a world of responsibility.

If you have your own kids or not you are taking on the responsibility of being a good role model for this woman’s children. Doesn’t matter if the baby’s dad is in the picture or not. When you are with her and her kids you need to be responsible. You need to be a father figure.

Sheri: Ahhhhhhh! Where do I start? First, you don’t need to be around her kids for any meaningful length of time for a WHILE. And when you do (think 6 months or a year or longer), you don’t need to be a father figure. You need to be a grown ass man. And you know who also likes grown ass men? Women without children. It’s a whole thing. If you are dating someone primarily seeking a father figure, turn on your heel and walk the other way. She’s not the grown ass woman you deserve.

6. It’s hard.

Relationships are hard. They say to have a healthy marriage to wait a year before having children. Now take that and date a woman who already has kids? You are looking at an even more complicated relationship with responsibility that in the beginning a normal couple doesn’t share. Those spontaneous, romantic dates? Maybe not as likely. But here’s the thing. It can also be really rewarding. Because dating a woman with children opens your eyes to what a wonderful woman she is. 

Sheri: I agree…relationships are hard. You know what isn’t hard? A website hiring an editor. 

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