A year ago today

A year ago something I thought was really terrible happened and I thought I would die.

I sort of did die.

There was this bizarre two week purgatory where I was nowhere. When I discovered I had lived, I started living. Then I lived some more.

I looked for a quote this afternoon that might be appropriate for Vaguebooking. For acknowledging this important date. I found one I loved, but it seemed to be too easy misconstrue and what point is Vaguebooking if you have to add a disclaimer?

“When love awakens in your life, in the night of your heart, it is like the dawn breaking within you. Where before there was anonymity, now there is intimacy; where before there was fear, now there is courage; where before in your life there was awkwardness, now there is a rhythm of grace and gracefulness; where before you used to be jagged, now you are elegant and in rhythm with your self. When love awakens in your life, it is like a rebirth, a new beginning.” 
― John O’Donohue

This seemed to perfectly describe what happened to my heart this past year. It has zero to do with anyone I’ve dated or am dating (which is why the quote wasn’t suitable) and everything to do with my true self. It’s been a magnificent year of hurt and healing. In the rearview mirror, I’m a little proud of how deeply I was devastated, because I am proud of how deeply in love I was. I don’t know that I’d had that before. Even more spectacular was how hard I dug in to recovery from that shatteredness. Is that a word? It is now.

I learned to not only be alone, but enjoy alone. Thrive alone. Travel solo and dine solo and sleep across the whole damn bed littered with too many pillows like a total chick. Solo. Decadently dream all my own dreams with polite considerations for no one. 

Several people held me close for those first few months. I wasn’t ok. I wasn’t ok by a whole long shot but their love kept me safe until I could take over and once I took over, that was some shit. That was the best shit. 

post-image

Since then I’ve held people close for their first few months. I have become nearly addicted to throwing out that lifeline to the broken heart dying in the dark. We are all in this life together. 

I don’t know much where I’m going with this. I just knew that the date had to be acknowledged. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, more secure as Sheri than I’ve ever been, I’m ridiculously smitten with myself and the life I’m living and so totally grateful that I died last year. What was born from that wreckage was my best version.

I love the Internets

There’s a lot of stuff I share on the Internet every day. Here’s a round up of the things I most enjoyed last week by category.

Inspiration

  • Russian mother takes magical pictures of her two kids with animals on her Farm. That kid standing on the edge of the dock. Be still my heart.
  • Advice column courtesy of Amanda Palmer. “All that said, sometimes you need to just shut the computer and stop fiddling with your phone. The voices on the internet can be like the voices in your head – relentless and impossible to ignore, and nonproductive. So as tempting as it may be to stay connected to the battle and drama online, talking with your actual friends and hanging out in the real-life spaces of the world is the best antidote.”
  • Why you make bad decision when you’re attracted to someone. ” When you can’t seem to get someone out of your head, serotonin is usually to blame. Or, more accurately, a lack of serotonin. This same drop in serotonin creation is present in people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. In other words, being infatuated with someone causes a similar chemical state to a condition that would otherwise be treated in a professional setting.” Furthermore, there are things  (like alcohol) that suppress serotonin production. Seems like a perfect storm, huh?

Nifty

Music

I love the Internets

There’s a lot of stuff I share on the Internet every day. Here’s a round up of the things I most enjoyed last week by category.

Inspiration

  • 20 things that mentally strong people don’t do. So, so, so good. I’m not practicing 100% on this list but I aim to. Everyone, please read this and save yourself a decade of suffering. 
  • Why I bought a house in Detroit for $500. ”All but two of the houses on the block behind Forestdale are gone. Instead of letting it slowly fill up with trash and despair, Paul planted an orchard. In the summer peaches and pears and apples and plums grow on the trees, and vegetables of every make and model grow in the soil. Neighbors care for bees and collect honey in autumn. In the winter, Paul floods it to make a backyard ice rink. He’s still tinkering with a homemade way to groom the ice, and recently I found him back there on his knees with a clothing iron plugged into an extension cord, trying to iron the ice smooth. That didn’t work. He’ll figure something out eventually.”
  • 4 things I learned from the worst online dating profile ever. “I could follow my first instinct as these messages began to roll in, which was to invest in a high-quality chastity belt and start collecting cats.”
  • 10 creative rituals you should steal. Golden, golden, golden advice that I needed to read. I’ve accidentally discovered some of these things (like quarterly vacations…not that *ever* take whole weeks each quarter) but hadn’t realized the importance of others (like daily writing). And, yeah, reading this really extra a whole lot makes me want to attend the 99U conference. ::sigh:: 

Nifty

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...