Cataloged thoughts on Thought Catalog

Hello, Reader of Really Most Sincerely! I didn’t write this article below. I just made a bunch of comments on it. I figured it would make for easier reading to paste it all in and link back to the original. Enjoy! 

6 Reasons it’s hard to date a single mom 

I’ve heard a lot of guys talk about dating single moms. It’s becoming all the more common in today’s world. And being one it has caught my attention. So here’s 6 reasons it’s hard to date a single mom.

1. You fall in love with her kids.

I hear this over and over again. The problem is when/if you break up you still love those kids, but have no ties to them. I’ve seen relationships from 3 to 8 years where the guys will never see the kids again. And it’s not fair to the man or the kids. It’s a risk.

Sheri: I’ve made the mistake of letting past boyfriends around my kids too soon, so I don’t have a ton to disagree with on this. I lived and learned. But I can tell you that I do have an ex whose kids I still see on the regular. I’m pretty grateful I get to maintain that relationship and so are those kids.  

2. You will never be number one.

Ever. Her kids will come first every single time. Or they should. And if they don’t? You don’t have a good woman.

Sheri: And if she had no kids, then you would be her number one? How about you get a deeper sense of self? 

3. She’s busy. Really busy.

Most single mom’s have 2 full-time jobs. When they aren’t working they are out at soccer games, dance classes, or parent-teacher conferences, and let’s not start with the mom’s who are still in school themselves. Finding time to fit in a relationship can be really difficult.

Sheri: Yes she is. Because she has a rich life. You should look into that, potential suitor. What’s infuriating, though, is that this article appears to be written by a woman. If this is the kind of guy who she’s dating (a guy who is easily upset that she has a limited schedule) it is time to tighten the filters. Trust me…when a man meets a woman he really wants to date, he will date her without whining about her schedule. He will simply plan ahead, communicate and hold up his end of the relationship.

4. In good situations there’s a baby daddy.

This one is hard to admit, but it’s true. As long as the father is still a part of the child’s life you will have to deal with him. And it’s not always a bad thing, in fact it shouldn’t be, but it’s a factor when men are thinking about dating a woman with a child.

Sheri: Oh…the woman you’re dating has a past? Pro-tip: they all do, not just the ones with children. 

5. Hello to a world of responsibility.

If you have your own kids or not you are taking on the responsibility of being a good role model for this woman’s children. Doesn’t matter if the baby’s dad is in the picture or not. When you are with her and her kids you need to be responsible. You need to be a father figure.

Sheri: Ahhhhhhh! Where do I start? First, you don’t need to be around her kids for any meaningful length of time for a WHILE. And when you do (think 6 months or a year or longer), you don’t need to be a father figure. You need to be a grown ass man. And you know who also likes grown ass men? Women without children. It’s a whole thing. If you are dating someone primarily seeking a father figure, turn on your heel and walk the other way. She’s not the grown ass woman you deserve.

6. It’s hard.

Relationships are hard. They say to have a healthy marriage to wait a year before having children. Now take that and date a woman who already has kids? You are looking at an even more complicated relationship with responsibility that in the beginning a normal couple doesn’t share. Those spontaneous, romantic dates? Maybe not as likely. But here’s the thing. It can also be really rewarding. Because dating a woman with children opens your eyes to what a wonderful woman she is. 

Sheri: I agree…relationships are hard. You know what isn’t hard? A website hiring an editor. 

Too much

Too much has been happening and I love it, except it means I’m not writing like I want to be. I’m excited. I’m distracted. The backlog of the things I want to document is significant but am going to try this first: I need to whine. I need to get this block out, whatever it is. Something is holding me back.

I suspect that the something starts with a ‘Sh’ and ends in a ‘eri’. She’s overwhelming herself with all her Beautiful Ideas. I daydream, I fantasize, I project, I wonder, I speculate, I brainstorm, I over-schedule and I under-rest. My predictable Follow Through is the fat kid at the back of gym class, red-faced, huffing and puffing, struggling beyond struggle to keep pace with all the Beautiful Ideas. Every so often she sprints ahead and is able to connect with a Beautiful Idea, but it isn’t sustainable. There are SO MANY Beautiful Ideas to catch. 

How do you catch your Beautiful Ideas?

Setbacks

I’ve had an overwhelming two weeks. Part of it is a schedule that is too busy. Moved from the ghost house to the new house. A dear friend from another hemisphere visited OKC for 5 days (and I had a blast hanging out with her). My home office moved from one location to another. The ghost house (all 3,000 sq ft of it) had to be cleaned and repaired in preparation for the arrival of the renters. I caught a cold.

In the middle of all that I had several setbacks related to the other thing. You know…the thing that completely rearranged my life and all the cells in my body (no? well…that’s how it feels…). I hope that one day I will look back on these archives and pat my sweet little melodramatic head. I hope that life moves on with such force that today, May 19, at 10pm on my front porch with a glass of wine and a box of tissues, looks like a tiny little blip. I really hope it does. 

It absolutely doesn’t feel like anything right now but sadness and loss. 

I don’t care that I got to go out to a quadruple birthday party last night in my cute new dress and one of the birthday girls repeatedly called me pretty. 

I don’t care that a guy called me pretty, too.

I don’t care that the ghost house is super clean and nearly finished for my med students to move in this weekend. 

I don’t care that my new office is swanky and kick-ass. I don’t care that it’s going to be cool as hell to work around dozens of creatives in the food industry every day including a large, fully operational catering company packed with event planners, chefs and visionaries. 

I don’t care that this new (old) house feels more like home in 3 weeks than the old house did in 3 months. 

What I do care about is that when I saw him sitting several rows ahead of me next to his mom and step dad today there was a natural space to his left that was only big enough for one person. 

It was empty.

Tonight, alone in the dark, it feels like I’ll never get over this. 

 

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