Help Wanted

I need help. 

No wait, I don’t need help. I just want it. I want it a lot.

I want someone to be home with my kids in the afternoons between when school lets out and when their dad picks them up or I get home. That person, ideally, would prepare them a healthy enough snack and maybe they came an hour early to fold all my clean laundry. Scratch that…they’d need two hours. My kids would eat less crackers directly from the box and more fruit. All three of them would sit at the kitchen table and complete homework so evenings would be mostly free to be a family. 

And maybe this helper of me would also want to grocery shop once or twice a week. Maybe they’d even want to start and or make dinner once or twice a week.

Maybe they are also a masseuse. Or a therapist. A massaging therapist! 

Who brings me flowers and wine. Who wants to pet my hair when the day is rough. Who is shaped like a hug and wants to drink coffee on the porch with me in the mornings. 

What I want is a mom or a wife or a nanny or a husband or a boyfriend or I don’t even know what. 

But it doesn’t matter.

Because help isn’t coming and I’m in this alone. 

I’m drowning and I don’t know what to do. I’ve had so very much help in my life. Not the aforementioned wants, but help I’ve had. I’m so grateful for every atta girl when I’ve chosen a new risk and lept. I’m thankful for every butt in every chair of my house concerts or my Rotary club or my restaurants (Not that those last two are actually mine. But they’re mine enough.) I’m thrilled my community rallied to pay my school tuition and thrilled I have friends all over Oklahoma City and the country loving me with their well wishes.

But. (and isn’t there always one?)

I come home and at least 1/2 of the time, it’s just me. And everything is right where I left it. 100% of the time I come home something desperately needs my attention. A book or a laundry pile or a dog that needs a walk because I rescued a dog a year ago even though we have no yard and ohmygodI’mfuckingoverwalkingthisdog. Waiting on me are unstarted and unfinished art projects and home improvement projects and my tenants need a new lease and I haven’t booked my January show and for the love of christ, please don’t pitch me your band this week, please. I have instruments I haven’t learned and songs I haven’t sung and muffins I haven’t baked because Tanner loves muffins and now I’m a horrible, muffin depriving mother. On top of the terrible mother who absolutely can’t inspire her daughter to study Spanish and what if she fails and what if I have to hire a tutor and where will this tutoring take place because my schedule is stacked and my coparent pretty much avoids me at all costs and the only good ideas are his ideas but I haven’t really seen any Spanish ideas out of him yet and it’s been months and…..I need help.

Cataloged thoughts on Thought Catalog

Hello, Reader of Really Most Sincerely! I didn’t write this article below. I just made a bunch of comments on it. I figured it would make for easier reading to paste it all in and link back to the original. Enjoy! 

6 Reasons it’s hard to date a single mom 

I’ve heard a lot of guys talk about dating single moms. It’s becoming all the more common in today’s world. And being one it has caught my attention. So here’s 6 reasons it’s hard to date a single mom.

1. You fall in love with her kids.

I hear this over and over again. The problem is when/if you break up you still love those kids, but have no ties to them. I’ve seen relationships from 3 to 8 years where the guys will never see the kids again. And it’s not fair to the man or the kids. It’s a risk.

Sheri: I’ve made the mistake of letting past boyfriends around my kids too soon, so I don’t have a ton to disagree with on this. I lived and learned. But I can tell you that I do have an ex whose kids I still see on the regular. I’m pretty grateful I get to maintain that relationship and so are those kids.  

2. You will never be number one.

Ever. Her kids will come first every single time. Or they should. And if they don’t? You don’t have a good woman.

Sheri: And if she had no kids, then you would be her number one? How about you get a deeper sense of self? 

3. She’s busy. Really busy.

Most single mom’s have 2 full-time jobs. When they aren’t working they are out at soccer games, dance classes, or parent-teacher conferences, and let’s not start with the mom’s who are still in school themselves. Finding time to fit in a relationship can be really difficult.

Sheri: Yes she is. Because she has a rich life. You should look into that, potential suitor. What’s infuriating, though, is that this article appears to be written by a woman. If this is the kind of guy who she’s dating (a guy who is easily upset that she has a limited schedule) it is time to tighten the filters. Trust me…when a man meets a woman he really wants to date, he will date her without whining about her schedule. He will simply plan ahead, communicate and hold up his end of the relationship.

4. In good situations there’s a baby daddy.

This one is hard to admit, but it’s true. As long as the father is still a part of the child’s life you will have to deal with him. And it’s not always a bad thing, in fact it shouldn’t be, but it’s a factor when men are thinking about dating a woman with a child.

Sheri: Oh…the woman you’re dating has a past? Pro-tip: they all do, not just the ones with children. 

5. Hello to a world of responsibility.

If you have your own kids or not you are taking on the responsibility of being a good role model for this woman’s children. Doesn’t matter if the baby’s dad is in the picture or not. When you are with her and her kids you need to be responsible. You need to be a father figure.

Sheri: Ahhhhhhh! Where do I start? First, you don’t need to be around her kids for any meaningful length of time for a WHILE. And when you do (think 6 months or a year or longer), you don’t need to be a father figure. You need to be a grown ass man. And you know who also likes grown ass men? Women without children. It’s a whole thing. If you are dating someone primarily seeking a father figure, turn on your heel and walk the other way. She’s not the grown ass woman you deserve.

6. It’s hard.

Relationships are hard. They say to have a healthy marriage to wait a year before having children. Now take that and date a woman who already has kids? You are looking at an even more complicated relationship with responsibility that in the beginning a normal couple doesn’t share. Those spontaneous, romantic dates? Maybe not as likely. But here’s the thing. It can also be really rewarding. Because dating a woman with children opens your eyes to what a wonderful woman she is. 

Sheri: I agree…relationships are hard. You know what isn’t hard? A website hiring an editor. 

Too much

Too much has been happening and I love it, except it means I’m not writing like I want to be. I’m excited. I’m distracted. The backlog of the things I want to document is significant but am going to try this first: I need to whine. I need to get this block out, whatever it is. Something is holding me back.

I suspect that the something starts with a ‘Sh’ and ends in a ‘eri’. She’s overwhelming herself with all her Beautiful Ideas. I daydream, I fantasize, I project, I wonder, I speculate, I brainstorm, I over-schedule and I under-rest. My predictable Follow Through is the fat kid at the back of gym class, red-faced, huffing and puffing, struggling beyond struggle to keep pace with all the Beautiful Ideas. Every so often she sprints ahead and is able to connect with a Beautiful Idea, but it isn’t sustainable. There are SO MANY Beautiful Ideas to catch. 

How do you catch your Beautiful Ideas?

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