Last week we went to a party thrown by a friend of ours who was honoring the notion of The Next Chapter. She’s been through a major life change recently and noticed that a few of her friends had, too. Is there a better reason to have a party? Nope!

Among many things, she provided a craft to keep the theme going. We were to tear a page out of an old book and write the first page to our next chapter. Then, we slide it into a nifty fridge magnet and voila!

I’ve been absent from my blog for the past several months. A million things have kept me away (that may or may not be named, pending free time to write about them), but one major one has been the decision to blend families.

We’ve known about this intention for a long time, relatively speaking, but didn’t rush into moving in together the moment the idea came to mind. Plus, I owned a (not big enough) house. Actually, I owned two (one was my childhood home I’d inherited when my mother died. After 20 years, we finally sold it last summer). And we needed to find a house spacious enough to fit the physical and emotional needs of our families. And I needed a big kitchen.

Check!

It’s been a loooooong six months. Lots of painting, cleaning, mowing, hauling, purging and crying. Stalking houses and imagining futures is fun. Touring houses is a little less fun. Narrowing the field is even less fun. Making the offer isn’t any fun at all. Negotiating the contract and hiking through the process is work. Dealing with The Person Who Shall Not Be Named* was the drag to end all drags. Waiting for repairs to get scheduled and completed sucks. Waiting for an official close date is hell. It feels like everyone I’ve made eye contact with in the last 2 months wants a check for $300.

Ditto for most of that on the house I’m selling…though this process has been a bit easier than the house we’re buying.

Add to that the hopes and fears that come along with starting a Next Chapter. We both have a boy and a girl. We both survived divorces that came at the end of 10 year marriages. We love food and wine and music and each other immensely. But like any couple, we have The Fear. I could go into The Fear, but I digress…

I’m at my wits end. No, really I am. I’ve been stressing out on just about any given topic for months. I look older. I feel older. I’ve had a headache for a week. My mood has more swings than an amusement park. I’m constantly distracted. My thoughts are muddled. I can’t pull out of my driveway without having to put my car back in park and go into my house for a forgotten item — sometimes twice! I can pep talk myself in a thousand different directions but there’s no getting around that I’m depressed more than I’m not. There’s lots of carbs and very little intentional exercise in my life. I’m too tired to exercise (no, really). I’m whiney. As you can tell.

I’m more than ready to get to the next chapter. I’m exhausted of this one. I want to move on and live in peace. I posted this song during my separation and divorce on an old blog I kept during my stay-at-home-mom years. I love Patty. Really love her. Got to tell her that to her face last year through happy (crazy person) tears. I’ve lived this song. I’m beyond the walls of the fortress and I’m ready for the bird of peace to come in for landing.

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*a person in our home buying process that has given me at least three fresh gray hairs. My poor realtor is handling this human from now on. Let him get the gray hairs. 🙂