Dude. I totally don’t even know where to start.

Friends have asked endlessly about my Camp Mighty trip. Did I have fun? What was it like? Was it worth the money? What did we do there? It’s soooo hard to articulate. All these feelings that make me feel things. And think things.

I came back to Oklahoma City a little heavier. A lot heavier, actually. Literally and figuratively. I blame carbohydrates and feelings.  It was a bit of a surprise since I had assumed I’d come back ready to light bare earth on fire and scale tall buildings in a single bound. It wasn’t like that. I came back changed. Introspective. I’m still thinking about it all.

I’ve got my 5 things to work on for 2013. One or two of them are cheater-type items. I want earn all five of those rings and there’s no better way to sabotage that than to add something to the list like, “Lose 50 pounds and run a double marathon” because I tend to shoot for the moon then instead of landing in the stars, I land in self hate and haunting failure. Instead, I shared a collection of slightly to very realistic things. They weren’t super ambitious but I knew that completing those items will bring me a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

1. Read The Hobbit out loud to the kids.
2. Attend BlogHer Food.
3. Present a talk at IgniteOKC.
4. Establish a Sunday night social at our house.
5. Transform our bedroom from a gigantic dirty clothes hamper into a beautifully appointed, Pinterest-worthy retreat despite the super-wonky layout.

I was talking with my friend Katarina Charm yesterday about camp and tried to distill the experience into as simple, honest bits that I could. I told her that almost all of the speakers were fantastic and inspiring. I met amazing women and forged friendships. I have continued to forge friendships on Twitter and through blogs as us campers get home and start seeking ways to stay connected (which is super cool…it’s like an extra camp!).

But the heaviness I first mentioned is the continued reminder I’m getting from the universe that I am not doing enough for myself. I was in crisis a few months ago and, eventually, marched my sweet self back into therapy to unpack all these bags, purge and reorganize. One of the most memorable moments was my therapist handing me an article he’d copied out of a magazine. It was about how people need to work on themselves instead of constantly trying to help or fix or figure out everyone around them. I didn’t even read it until later in the evening but I think I giggled. Yep. That’s me.

I returned from camp with a LOT of ideas on what I want to do, though they aren’t all doable for now. What I can do is work on myself. Find ways to be kind and give back to me. This isn’t entirely Camp Mighty induced but I did discover things to help me along the way.

I told KC, “I need to write. I need to make things. I need a space of my own.” Blogging helps me write and hopefully I’ll soon get back into writing articles. I started an inspiration board on Pinterest and am commandeering our sitting room into a Sheri retreat. The personal space, I think, is crucial and something I hadn’t given much thought to until I heard Margaret Stewart talk about her space. Then I was all, “Yeah! I need a space!”

Making the space won’t remove this heaviness, but it’s a start. The room will at least be pulling quintuple duty as it will be part writing den, banjo workshop, crafting corner, yoga studio and place-where-I-can-hang-that’s-nice-n-far-from-the-kitchen. And I can decorate it.

More on camp another time. (Yes, really…I’m still not done.)